


Sriva

by Ytteb



Category: NCIS
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-12 21:07:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5680813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ytteb/pseuds/Ytteb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>More trauma for Tony with all the team involved. A 'clue' may be in the title but this is a bit tricky to describe ...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sriva

**Author's Note:**

> I should say at the beginning that this is not canon … and I apologise for, well, almost everything really.

In the gloom of the squad room the light of a single desk lamp shone on the bowed head of Special Agent Gibbs as he sat lost in thought. He had slipped away from the noise of the party in the conference room as he fell prey to a mixture of emotions. If he was honest, which he usually was, one of his chief emotions was an awareness of the incongruity of the noisiest party in the noisy history of NCIS parties being thrown to mark this particular departure. Still, he considered, this was DiNozzo they were talking about; incongruity followed him everywhere.

Gibbs thought back to the previous month, to a time when all seemed as normal as life in the squad room ever was …

PREVIOUS MONTH

Gibbs was sitting at his desk reading an article on the first, and final, voyage of the Titanic. He found the tragic story of the ill-fated vessel fascinating and was beginning to wonder what it would be like to sail the same route as that taken by the ship.

McGee was sitting at his desk picking the sprinkles off his morning donut. He had just picked enough off to make a pattern like that of the communicators in the original Star Trek series when Tony arrived. Tim looked up with interest.

Tony was unshaven, wearing a creased blue striped shirt, brown plaid pants and a grey jacket. Gibbs was no fashion guru, and he couldn't have said what was wrong with Tony's appearance, but he knew that something was off. He waited; if things were really bad, Tony would not keep silent for long.

Tony put his backpack down carefully. Gibbs' unease went up a notch; Tony  _always_  threw his bag down with some emotion or other: there was always a clue to how he was feeling in the way he arrived. A careful, quiet Tony was unusual.

Tony added to the churning in Gibbs' gut by placing the grey jacket neatly on the back of his chair. He then sat down and switched his computer on with a hand that shook slightly.

"Did you have a good evening, Tony?" asked McGee cheerily.

Tony swallowed and closed his eyes briefly as if to shut out an unwelcome memory.

"Uh. My Dad came to visit me last evening," he said stiffly.

Gibbs' gut settled a bit. Visits from Senior were unpredictable: often emotional but the fallout could usually be fixed by cowboy steaks, bourbon and a head slap.

"How is your father?" asked Tim politely.

"In the pink," said Tony with a twisted expression, "I can't deny that he's in the pink."

"Good?" said Gibbs, hoping that perhaps he could break out beer instead of bourbon this time and the hangover would be milder.

Tony didn't answer, he stared into space, apparently trying to decide how to respond.

"So, what's the occasion?" asked McGee.

"What?!" snapped Tony.

"W-w-well, your Dad often comes for a particular reason," said McGee nervously.

"Yes, yes. Sorry, Tim, didn't mean to bite your head off," apologised Tony.

"So?" asked Gibbs, "is there a reason for the visit? You weren't expecting him, were you?"

"No," said Tony with a hollow laugh.

McGee realised he had never quite known what a hollow laugh sounded like. Now he knew and he made a mental note. Such insights were always useful for a writer; he wondered if Agent Tommy would give a hollow laugh when he realised he had been outsmarted by Agent McGregor in chapter five of the next book. Tim lost himself for a moment in picturing the scene and then snapped back to attention as he realised Gibbs was asking Tony the reason for Senior's visit.

The hollow laugh sounded again, "He brought his new fiancée with him."

"Another one?" asked Gibbs tactlessly. To be fair, in some ways, Gibbs rather liked it when Mr DiNozzo Snr turned up; Senior was the only person Gibbs knew who made _him_ look like the poster boy for monogamy.

"What's she like?" asked McGee.

Tony turned a troubled look at him and seemed to be struggling to frame an answer.

"Or what's  _he_  like?" suggested Gibbs, wondering if this was the source of Tony's angst.

"Oh no,  _she's_  all woman," said Tony.

"Is she  _old_?" asked McGee.

"Age is immaterial," said Ducky, making an appearance, "or rather it should be. In my experience one is as old as one feels," he paused and squeezed his arm, "and I feel quite young!" He laughed, "I do apologise. Such an old joke but one which I still enjoy. But I've interrupted something. Do continue."

"Tony was just telling us that he met his father's new fiancée last night," said McGee helpfully.

"My dear boy," said Ducky, "should I offer you felicitations? Or commiserations? I have to say I am most grateful that Mother never sought to remarry. Not that she was without admirers; she was a fine figure of a woman and many American gentlemen found her English accent to be rather alluring. They didn't, however, find the knife in her brassiere to be quite so attractive." Ducky chuckled reminiscently, "but I haven't given you a chance to answer."

"Not getting a whole lot of answers here, Duck," said Gibbs. "What's biting you about this one, Tony?"

Tony again seemed to struggle to speak. He opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by the excited entry of Abby.

"Look everyone! Look who I found in the lobby. Look!"

Everyone did look … at the person who Abby was holding by the hand. It was Ziva! Everyone rushed forward, forgetting Tony's troubles for the moment.

"My dear girl," said Ducky as he kissed her on the forehead, "it is so, so delightful to see you again. And you are looking so well."

"Welcome back, Ziva," said Gibbs gruffly as he enfolded her in his arms, "good to see you."

"Hello, Ziva," said Tim slightly shyly, as he gave her a hug and kiss, "glad you're back."

Abby jumped up and down with happiness and joy, "This is so great! Everyone back together!"

Gibbs had a rare smile on his face; he looked across at Tony, realising that so far he hadn't joined in with the welcome but knowing that his interactions with Ziva were rarely predictable.

The elevator dinged to signal another arrival.

"You raced off and left me," said Mr DiNozzo Snr as he came into the squad room.

"Oh, Mr D! I'm so sorry," said Abby running up to him, "I was just so excited to see Ziva. I just had to bring her up to see everyone. I don't know if you know, but Ziva has been gone for a while. And we missed her so much."

"Yes, I know," said Senior.

"Tony," said Abby reproachfully, "you haven't said anything to Ziva yet."

"Hello, Ziva," said Tony.

"Tony," replied Ziva.

Abby clasped her hands to her bosom as she drank in the scene. Like the others, she had never quite known the state of affairs between Tony and Ziva but she had occasionally indulged in romantic dreams. Abby longed for happy endings. She was about to drag Tony towards Ziva when she noticed something,

"Wow! That's a huge diamond, Ziva!"

All eyes turned to the third finger on Ziva's left hand where sat a ring with a huge diamond surrounded by a circlet of coloured stones.

"Yes," said Ziva proudly, "it is a two carat diamond. The surrounding stones are a diamond, an emerald, an amethyst, a ruby, another emerald, a sapphire and a topaz. It spells dearest." She stroked it gently.

"You're engaged?" asked Abby.

Ziva nodded. Ducky was the first to recover, he walked over to Ziva and kissed her again, "may I be the first to wish you every happiness, my dear. This is wonderful news." He looked at Tony, wondering if he also felt this was wonderful news. He continued talking to break the slightly awkward silence,

"And such a coincidence," he went on, "Romance seems to be in the air. Anthony was just telling us that his esteemed father is also contemplating nuptials."

The sound of virtual pennies dropping was almost audible across the squad room. "Oh, my," said Ducky, and that seemed to sum things up.

Ziva walked over to Senior and tucked her hand through his arm. She looked up at him adoringly. Senior gave his patented, 'aw shucks' look and patted her hand.

NCISNCIS

Gibbs wasn't surprised to get a visit from Tony in the basement that night but somehow he didn't think cowboy steaks were going to cut it this time.

"She said she always wanted to have a name with three Zs in it," was his opening remark. "I mean, I know Dad always had an eye for her but I thought that was him trying to bait me into making a move on her."

Gibbs handed him a jar of bourbon.

"She says she doesn't expect me to call her Mom," Tony groaned and took a gulp of the alcohol, "but she hopes that we'll spend all the holidays together."

Gibbs topped up the drink and took another one himself.

"Senior says they hope to start a family straight away,  _'not getting any younger, Junior,'_  was how he put it. Oh, God! Now I've got the picture in my mind of them well … you know,  _doing it._ " Tony tugged at his hair, "what am I going to do, Boss?"

"Where did they meet up?" asked Gibbs.

"New York," said Tony with an effort at calm, "Ziva had gone there to sell some diamonds. You remember she said that Eli had encouraged all his Mossad agents to get some uncut stones for security? Seems that she did what Daddy Dearest advised and she's got quite a stash."

"And your Dad just happened along?" asked Gibbs.

"Seems that Tim accidentally let the cat out of the bag about the possible diamonds when Senior was here last. Well, you know my Dad. My guess is that he remembered. He always kept in touch with Ziva; when she told him that she was going to New York, he managed to have a business meeting there at the same time. And bingo!"

"And Ziva?" said Gibbs.

"What can I say, Boss? The three Zs. Also, she's always had a thing for father figures. When you think what happened when she knocked boots with men her own age, well, perhaps she thinks it would be better to go for someone older."

"Perhaps it won't happen, Tony," said Gibbs with an attempt at comfort, "I mean how many times has your Dad been engaged and it's fallen through?"

"This is Ziva, Boss. Have you ever known her not do what she set out to do? Senior won't wriggle out of this one. Oh, God, I'm picturing him wriggling now."

"You don't see your Dad very often, Tony," said Gibbs still trying to find a bright side.

"They're going to move into Ziva's old apartment here in DC," said Tony, "seems she didn't let it go. They'll live there while they look round for a bigger family house. They want to get one that's got a room for me.  _So I can be there as much as possible. So I can be a real part of the family_. Senior says he always regretted me not having a brother or sister and now he's going to make it up to me!"

There didn't seem to be much else to say, Gibbs couldn’t think of any encouraging words. Tony fell into a silence occasionally broken when some fresh horror occurred to him. Finally he left saying,

"Thanks, Boss. I'm going to go home and have a movie marathon; perhaps that will help. Except that McGee has got most of my DVDs, he's cataloguing them for me. Still, he's left me with the Os. I'll find something."

Tony came into work the next morning in a much calmer state than anyone had expected. He didn't talk much but he looked happy and resolute so Gibbs relaxed a little. This continued for a couple of days and then on the fourth day Tony asked the team to gather in Autopsy.

"I have something to tell you," he said to his expectant co-workers, "as you know, I had some rather difficult news."

"Indeed," said Ducky, "and can I say how much we admire the way you have been coping with the … er … stresses caused by your father and Ziva's connubiality."

"Their what?" asked Palmer.

"Conjugality," said Ducky, "marriage."

"Oh," said Palmer, "absolutely. I second what Dr Mallard says. Admire, terrific, wonderful."

Gibbs reflected that Tony would normally have become slightly irritated at being interrupted but he remained calm,

"Thank you all. I have managed to achieve acceptance of what has happened. And I owe it to Tim."

"You do?" asked Tim in an alarmed voice, "what did I do?"

"I don't think you meant to do it, Tim," said Tony reassuringly. "I went home from the Boss's the other night and decided to watch some movies to take my mind off … well, off things."

"But I had most of your movies," said Tim.

"Yes, you did but I had the Os. Which meant I watched 'Of Gods and Men'."

"What's that about?" asked Gibbs, hoping it wasn't about sons murdering their fathers and/or their fiancées but ready to back Tony up if that was his plan.

"It's a 2010 French film …"

"About Trappist monks living in Algeria," said Jimmy, delighted to know a movie reference, "it won lots of awards."

"That's right, Palmer," said Tony with a smile, "and it showed me the way I should go."

"What do you mean, DiNozzo?" asked Gibbs uneasily.

"I'm going to become a Trappist monk," said Tony calmly.

An appropriate silence fell as the team tried to digest this.

"You do know Trappists don't talk much, don't you?" asked Ducky, "They are renowned for their long periods of contemplative silence."

"That is exaggerated," said Tony serenely, "they just don't talk unnecessarily."

"Um, Tony," said Abby, "monks have vows. You know, poverty, obedience and …"

"Chastity," finished Palmer.

"At the moment, that all seems quite welcome," said Tony, "very uncomplicated."

"This is a big step," said Gibbs.

"I know," said Tony, "but the abbot says I won't have to take final vows for several years."

"You've already spoken to someone about this?" demanded Gibbs.

"Abby's bowling nuns were real helpful," said Tony, "they understood what I needed."

"And which abbot have you spoken to?" asked Ducky, "I believe there are some monasteries in Virginia."

"Too near," said Tony with a shudder, "no, I'm going to one off the coast of Wales. It's on an island. Remote. I think that will be OK."

"Tony," said Gibbs with a touch of pleading in his voice, "have you thought this through?"

"Boss," said Tony, "you have to let me do this. You can come visit. You'd like it. No unnecessary chatter. Silence. Peace."

PRESENT DAY

So, Gibbs sat his desk thinking. Nobody had been able to persuade Tony from his drastic course of action. Abby in particular had agonised both over losing Tony and over what present to buy someone who was leaving to embrace a life of poverty, chastity and obedience. She had thought about an Armani designed habit but in the end had settled on a pedicure, reasoning that Tony would want his feet to look good if he was going to be wearing sandals in future.

A sudden burst of noise signalled someone leaving the conference room. Gibbs looked up and saw Tony coming down the stairs.

"I'm leaving now, Gibbs," he announced.

"Party's still going on," Gibbs pointed out.

"I know, but it's got to the boisterous stage where everyone's forgotten why the party's being thrown. They don't need me anymore."

"We'll always need you, Tony," said Gibbs with more emotion than he'd expected.

"Thanks, Boss. That means a lot. I wanted to ask you something."

"Anything," said Gibbs.

"I'll have to take a new name when I enter the Order. I wondered if I could take yours, Boss."

"Brother Boss?" said Gibbs with an attempt at humour.

Tony laughed, "No, that might set the wrong tone. No, I'd like to be Brother Jethro. It would remind me of you."

"I'd be honoured, Tony," said Gibbs.

"Semper Fi, Boss," said Tony, "come visit some time."

"I will," promised Gibbs. He delivered one last head slap and then drew Tony into an embrace. They stayed like that for a few seconds before Tony pulled away. He wiped his eyes and said,

"Bye, Boss. Thanks for everything. When I'm struggling with those long silences, I'll think of you."

He turned and walked away. He didn't look back.

Gibbs stared after him for a while and then sighed. He thought about going back to the party but, casting one more look at Tony's empty desk, he left as well.

Shortly afterwards, Tim came down from the party. With a sombre face he moved his stuff from his desk to Tony's. When he had finished, he sat down in the chair, adjusted it until he was comfortable and then swivelled round twice.

He switched the desk lamp on and gazed across the squad room. When he was sure he was alone, he allowed himself a smile. He could hardly believe his plan had worked. Tipping Senior off about the diamonds. Leaving Tony with the movie about Trappist monks. He wondered how long it would be before Gibbs took off on his Titanic trail, before Vance left to embrace his feminine side. Tim frowned slightly as he considered his next step; what  _were_  the Secretary of the Navy's weaknesses?

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written about a year ago ... but I guess it has a new 'relevance' in the light of the news that Tony will be leaving at the end of the current season. If they did this in the actual show it might satisfy those who want to see Ziva reappear - but perhaps not!


End file.
